Now that the major unpacking is done, the house feels somewhat settled, and the kids are adjusting well to their new schools, I find myself in a place that I have wanted to be since having children. I wanted to be home with my children when they were babies, but it just never worked out. After all, I had a great job as a school librarian, complete with summer vacation and several holidays off so I could be with them a good bit, and an amazing babysitter to care for them while I was at work. Plus, hubby really wanted me to work.
About 2 years ago, the Lord placed a burning desire in my heart to be home for my children. I tucked it away as kind of a "pipe dream". It wouldn't stay tucked away, but I just couldn't accept that it was from the Lord.
When Eddie accepted
the job he has now, I immediately started applying for certification in TN, and started gathering applications for various school systems in the area. Once my certification was approved, I started sending applications to different places. We weren't planning to move unless I secured a teaching position. Guess what kept knocking on my heart? Yep, I kept hearing, "you need to be home for your family".
I prayed and asked him to literally put in my heart the desires he wanted me to have. The desire to be the keeper of my home just got stronger. Eddie has always been totally against the sahm gig, and the Lord wouldn't ask me to do something that my husband didn't want me to do, right?
After a heart struggle, I finally accepted that this is what He wants for my family. I prayed "Ok, Lord, I'm listening. I hear you, but if this is really your will for me and our family, you will have to change Eddie's heart."
Well, maybe He would...maybe He wouldn't, but what happened next was nothing I could have ever done on my own. Out of the blue one night on the phone, Eddie mentioned that he had been looking at our finances and he thought we would be ok if I couldn't get a job right away. I assured him that I was still filling out applications and watching school websites for job openings, and I was. Then, driving home from our nephew's party in March, we were talking about the applications I had submitted, and he said to me, "I don't want you to stress and worry about finding a job right away. I am ok with you staying home for a year or so." Those words blew me away. We spent the next few minutes talking about how we could make it work if I stayed home for at least the first year after the move. I knew that the Lord had changed
his heart. There was no other explanation, and I praised Him!!
I continued to watch for available library positions, and even had an interview in July. The job just wasn't for me, though. It was at a high school and those kids are a lot bigger than I am! Scary!! Haha!
I am still praising Him for this opportunity! However, week 2 of being home in an empty house has been difficult. I find myself wanting to share something with the kids, or anyone for that matter, and the only other breathing things with heartbeats to talk to are Minnie and Jonah. I have proof that cats and dogs do not talk back if you try to carry on a conversation with them. They just don't get it, I guess! Lol!
I have missed my job more than I thought I would. I'm missing the comfort and companionship of my friends. It's lonely. I had no idea that I would be lonely.
So, I'm trying to find ways to fill up my days productively, in addition to keeping up with daily housework. I had a nice 2 1/2 mile walk with my favorite music this morning after I dropped off the kids, and I want to do that everyday. I also have a hobby room to organize, but I have to get cabinets and countertops for it first. There are tons of Pinterest projects I hope to do when I get the room functional. Trying to most efficiently embrace this gift of keeping my home and taking care of my family.
I still believe staying home is His will for me, because everything about this move has been covered with His fingerprints. I want to use this time in a way that glorifies Him. I want to use this time to serve wherever He wants to use me. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11-12. I'm claiming it in Jesus' name, and can't wait to see what He reveals to me about his plans for my family and me!
So thankful for His fingerprints. Keep looking for His fingerprints in your life!
Kellie
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